Gasp! I've done it. I've deactivated my facebook account (temporarily). I'm going cold turkey and for the first time in my life I might be able to identify on a very small level with the way addiction feels. When I turned the computer on this morning with the intention of checking my email, the first site I clicked on was facebook. Its now my phantom limb.
Social media can be all consuming, the easiest distraction and quite frankly has begun to cause me more harm than good so it was time to step away for a bit. I have tried before to limit my time online or my facebook usage and I've failed miserably. As a parent, how can I try (also, somewhat unsuccessfully) to limit the time my kids spend on their electronic devices when I can not follow through with setting limits for myself? I'm not setting a good example.
My kindergartener had a project that was supposed to be returned to school this morning, a BIG piece of paper where we were supposed to trace the hands of each member of our family and then decorate them with the things we like and are interested in. We didn't complete the project. We didn't even START the project. Was it because it was forgotten under piles of paper and stuff on the kitchen counter that I haven't bothered cleaning? Was it because when he brought it home, excited to work on it, that I said "Oh, we'll do that later..." I'm not saying that facebook is to blame for my son's homework not being finished, but what I can say is that my priorities are not where they should be. I've let it go for far too long and now the time has come that something drastic needs to be done in order to make things right, or at least getting on the path to making things right.
I'm not happy with me. Its easy to admit, but hard to take action. I've always been pretty good at identifying the problem, but from there .... ? Usually nothing. I want to take this time and treat it as a reset. Change my focus from -- "Who is doing what today?" "Are you kidding me? Are they really that stupid?" "Oh, my goodness, that person is annoying, but I can't bring myself to unfriend them" "Hmm, I wonder what is available on the b/s/t sites today." "Oh! I haven't checked the diaper swap pages, or the babywearing swap pages yet this morning even though I really shouldn't be buying anything right now" and instead focus on paying attention and engaging with my kids when they are excited to show me something or be fully present while I'm nursing our 4 month old (4 months already! It instantly brings tears to my eyes to think about how quickly he is growing and how soon he won't need me in this way) and to spend time reconnecting to the amazing man I have beside me. I'm tired of living a distracted life. Its not fair to anyone that I invest more of my time and attention on things happening in other people's lives outside of our home and family.
I've committed to at least one week facebook free, which means the earliest I may return will be Thursday, November 13th. As daunting as this seems, I'm also excited. Its freeing. I hope this helps. I pray that this helps. Please, let this help.
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