21 Days - Day 13

I have fallen off the wagon.

I'm feeling a little yucky this morning, but I'm ready to get back on track.  I actually first wrote that sentence as "I'm ready to try to get back on track," but I remembered the earlier reading and re-wrote it without using try. I'm not going to TRY, I'm going to DO IT!

So.. its currently 7:25am and I'm on my first cup of coffee. This post is going to be a little different today as I want to post my list of goals for the day, and for the week.

Today's Goals:
 2 loads of laundry from start to finish (including put away)
30 minute pick up of my bedroom, including putting away folded clothes
30 minute pick up of entry/toy area/living room
30 minute pick up of boys room
Clean kitchen table
Pick up dining area
Sweep dining room floor
Catch up on 21 Days reading


This Week's Goals:
Strip diapers
Cut quilt
Clean shower/tubs with the vinegar/dawn solution
Stay on track with 21 Days challenge

My Beautiful Fall Family!

I've been slacking a bit, I know... generally how things go around here!  I'm anxious to get back on track tomorrow!

Here is a sneak peak into how we spent some of our Veteran's Day since Bob was home from work.

-{Today I am thankful that we are able to capture so many moments in pictures, and thankful to my family, our photographer turned friend and shutterfly that all indulge me in my obsession! }-

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Handwritten Wishes Christmas

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21 Days - Day 7

Do it.

The end.

-{ Today I am thankful for coffee.  Minimal sleep last night, and just as many responsibilities today.  Coffee is fabulous! }-

21 Days - Day 6 Recap

Another weird day.

The old ways are creeping up.  The feelings of failing in one specific area, and then carrying over into that poor mentality of "if I already screwed up in this one area, then I might as well stop trying".  I don't want to give in to that.  The point of this challenge is to grow past that.

I am needing to start over on my goals today (Day 7) and focus.  When my time is up, its up.  End of story.  I was looking online last night for election coverage, and then spending extra time on facebook reading people's reactions.. all of that was over my time limit.  I justified it to myself because it was election night, and because we currently have a listing on our local buy/sell facebook group and on craigslist... There are always ways to "justify" your bad choices, I don't want to do that, I just want to make these changes and stick with them!

Anyway this is what was heavy on my heart last night in light of the election results and I wanted to share my thoughts/feelings here as well.  This is what I wrote on my facebook page this morning.

I was considering the divide in our country, and it nearly brings tears to my eyes to remember the feeling of unity and standing strong together post 9-11. It shouldn't take an extreme act of terrorism to unite our nation, we should be working towards that with every decision, every election, in every political offi

ce and school. We need to raise our children to be proud patriots, to have strong values, morals and work ethics. We should respect the elected officials in positions of authority whether we voted for them or not. I might not agree with the individual, but I respect the office. The way our country is divided and the flawed system we have for elections makes me sad, not specifically the outcome of the presidential race.

 

Looks like its back to our regular scheduled programming kids!

21 Days - Day 5

This post is going to be short and sweet because I'm exhausted and have 18 minutes left from my day's allotment.

I spent the morning browsing dealerships online, in search of the perfect replacement vehicle for us... and then this evening searching for the best insurance deal for our brand new to us 2011 Dodge Grand Caravan!

Somehow between my beloved Trailblazer breaking down and realizing how impractical getting a kid to the rear seat in a third row SUV would be, I became a mini van mom.  I know, I'm shocked too!  Its silver, it has less than 30,000 miles, it has the remainder of a factory warranty, seats 7 comfortably and gets great safety ratings.  It doesn't have all wheel drive or four wheel drive, and its still a mini van.  But its new, its safe, its reliable and it fits our family and then some.  I'm a happy (and did I mention exhausted?) girl! 

Today's reading describes me perfectly.  I have such a bad habit of thinking... ok, I've already dropped the ball concerning "xyz" so instead of focusing on how to recover, I fall to the "screw it" mentality and dig my hole even deeper.  I realize that I need to change that kind of thinking and behavior.  I need to accept that I will stumble along the way, but focus on getting up and back on track with minimal damage.  In light of our recent purchase, I desperately need to keep this in mind when it comes to our future financial choices whether they are big or small and not get sucked in to the "well... we're already over our budget by $50 so why not just blow it completely at this point" thought process.  Positive choices and movement in the right direction is better any day than going backwards.  The small choices will start to add up.  We can do this!  

I've already experienced obstacles in trying to limit my internet time, but the best thing I have been able to do is to acknowledge what has caused the problem and do my best to get back on track.  Focusing on one change at a time allows me to do that much better than the countless number of times in the past I have set out to change everything all at once, and it feels great!

-{ Today I am thankful that the wonderful man in my life was able to take a vacation day at work and spend the day doing all that spontaneously having to buy a new car requires.  He did good and I'm so proud of him for how he is able to support our family }-

21 Days - Day 4 (aka, !&^*% hits the fan)

4 Days into the 21 Day challenge and I did not stick to my time limit today.  Actually... I may have stuck to my time limit, but the truth is -- I don't know.

I left the house this morning to go to CVS and Safeway after putting Elijah down for his morning nap.  We set the clocks back an hour last night, but a baby's inner clock is much stronger than any notion of daylight savings.  Needless to say, he was up at the official time of quarter till 6 this morning and I got a fairly early start on my shopping.  I was on a couponing high when I left CVS... a package of Huggies diapers, the women's new Schick Hydro razor, a package of replacement blades for the new razor and a package of replacement blades for Bob's razor, two cans of pumpkin and two cans of evaporated milk for a whopping out of pocket total of $15.15  and a $10 ECB reward for my next purchase!

I got in the car and headed north up I-5 towards Anderson where the Safeway is.  It doesn't get more ironic than being on the phone with my best friend, talking about how we know my car is on it's last legs and our plan to start putting aside what we can for a down payment and then hopefully finding a new to us vehicle after the first of the year, when I felt something funny happen with my car.  I looked down to see a warning light that said something about the battery no longer charging and then suddenly it was hard to steer!  I got off the phone quickly (before you judge me, I was using my earpiece, I promise!)  and was able to get off the freeway at the next exit that was coming up and parked in an empty area where I was safe and away from the 70+ mile an hour traffic.

I called my night in shining armor to come rescue me... (again).  Ashlyn, my 9 year old daughter, was able to stay home with Elijah, our sleeping 16 month old, and Dannon rode with Bob in his work truck up the freeway to find me.  The long story short is that my power steering belt had come off, and some other things or maybe multiple things broke and went wrong.  Bob was able to drive the car home where it is now parked in our driveway and its not looking good mechanically.  Sadface.  This car has driven from Washington to Florida, from Florida to California and up and down the west coast I-5 corridor more times than I can count.  With over 200,000 miles on the engine our best bet is to forgo trying to fix the poor thing and look into getting a new to us vehicle.  We were hoping we could limp along for a few more months but after today's events its not looking likely.

This is a seriously stressful time for us.  I long for the day that we are financially stable, and debt free even!  But that day is not here yet.  We are trying to recover still from poor financial choices we have each made in the past, and the financial issues that come from divorce.  We're not "ready" to buy a new car but this is the situation we're facing.  It has only been with grace and trust that I feel I have been able to handle this mess so well.  I'm surprised actually.  The me that I am used to would scream and be mad and cry.  I would blame whoever I could remotely link to a responsibility for the situation.  I would have a pity party over the path that has led us to this point.  The awesome news is, I haven't!  Instead I am so thankful that this didn't happen yesterday when we were an hour and a half away from home with the entire family.  I am thankful that no one was hurt (though after the fact, I realized we would be better off financially if I had wrecked the darn thing and could file a claim with my insurance.)  Most of all, I am thankful that Bob has a great job and even though it would help if our credit was in better shape, its looking like we will be able to get into a new vehicle quickly.  My trailblazer is going to be a challenge.  I owe more on it than it is worth, and it would be difficult for Bob to get financing if we were to try and roll the existing loan into the new vehicle loan but I am trying not to stress and worry.  We will find a way to make it work.  We always do.  Today was an out of the ordinary kind of day.  I spent a lot of time looking into our options at different dealerships online and running different searches, I feel like I did manage to keep my personal internet time under control and that feels good.  I have learned that some days you need to accept the best you are able to give, and recognize the efforts even if you are short of reaching the goal.  That was today for me.

Today's practical application says to take 15 minutes and make a list of all the good habits you want to develop and the bad habits you want to reverse, then prioritize and pick out the top 3 habits that would make the most difference.  I am drained tonight, its been a very exhausting day but I am determined to get back on track tomorrow!

-{ Today I am thankful for our safety and that our car didn't break down when we were far from home }-

21 Days - Day 3

For the majority of the summer (and well... lets admit... the whole year) my Saturdays are filled with yard sale hunting in the mornings, coming home to fix lunch and then possibly hitting up a few thrift stores, or other general shopping before getting the grocery shopping done.  I am pretty much the luckiest girl in the world to have a supportive man in my life.  He works during the week, comes home and helps with the kids and dinner AND gives me pretty much every Saturday to escape and have some time for myself.  Lucky, I tell you!

Instead of my normal Saturday routine today, we decided earlier in the week that we would have a family adventure day today.  There are times I need to remind myself that time together is time together.  Its not always perfect (or picture perfect -- but I DID manage to get a good picture of all three kids together and looking at the camera at the same time.  This is no small feat for my gang, lol!)  I have these grand ideas of how the outings will go... we'll walk hand in hand, admire the beauty of God's creation, we'll talk with one another, you know, Hallmark style.  The reality is:  I have a moody 9 year old daughter.  We have two little boys.  Family adventure days interfere with nap time.  We don't hold hands nicely, we drag.  Adults get cranky.  Shall I continue? 

We drove about an hour and a half to visit Lassen National Park.  We've lived here for almost 2 years now and this was our first visit.  It was beautiful!   We walked the 1.8 mile loop around Manzanita Lake, and only really saw a small corner of the park.  I would have liked to drive around and do more exploring, but we'll save that for the next trip.  I've learned that its best to set out with a small goal, and to be happy when its accomplished.  When I try and force the kiddos into more than they can handle it goes down hill rapidly and instead of having an overall good experience, its miserable.  No one likes miserable.

It was great to have this plan today.  I did get a little internet time in this morning with my coffee before we left, and even remembered to start my timer when I was facebooking from my phone in the car.  All in all, we had a great morning/afternoon and when we got home I had an hour and a half left for the day!  I needed to sit down and write this blog entry and scope out the Safeway deals for my grocery shopping trip tomorrow.  We're only 3 days into this challenge and I may not even use the full 3 hours of allotted time today.  I am really feeling great about making a conscious effort to have less screen time.

Today's reading gives us a "Practical Application" assignment, to choose one small bad habit you want to reverse, or one good habit you can aim to implement in your life for the next 18 days.  I need to stop my nighttime grazing.  I am going to work on developing this improvement by setting a timer on my phone to go off at 10pm each night.  When the timer goes off, I will brush my teeth and be done.  Again, I feel this is one of those habits that might seem strange to people, like my 3 hour a day time limit.  But believe me, this will really be a challenge (especially because there is still Halloween candy in the house!)  I help my kids brush their teeth each night, but most nights I go to bed without doing the same and once we get the kids to bed it becomes a lazy free-for-all for me.  I guess this is two-fold for me.  I will pick a time to end my snacking, and brush my teeth.

Baby stepping to a better life!

-{ Today I am thankful for the beauty that surrounds us, and the ability to share it with the ones I love }-

Day 2 - Part 2

I must have been overly focused on the timer when I posted earlier... (25 minutes left for the day now at 6:11pm) I forgot to mention the next assignment!

Assignment 1: Choose one small thing to change today, & follow through.

My 3 ideas for this right off the bat were:

1.  Program the coffee pot nightly!  (We purchased a programable coffee pot a few months ago and have yet to use the timer.  I'd actually prefer to have my own coffee stand barista to deliver a mocha of some sort to my bedside each morning... but unfortunately I can't imagine THAT dream coming through)

2.  Picking up/straightening up living room before going to bed each night.

3.  Clearing/cleaning the dining table every night.  (A little embarrassing to admit that this doesn't actually get done every night.)

I talked this one over with my wonderful boyfriend, Bob, and we decided that option #1 was our best bet for one small change that would be easy to follow through on, and a beneficial way to start each morning.

Because, the best part of waking up.... well, you know how that goes!

21 Days - Day 2

It is nearly 1pm on Day 2 as I sit here to write this post I am watching my timer count down the minutes.. only 48 minutes remaining for the day -- YIKES!

The first day of this journey yesterday was frighteningly successful... to the point I thought Wow, maybe 3 hours is not cutting back enough if its this easy to do!  I am happy (?) to be able to report today that yesterday, though successful, was probably a total fluke.  Bob was home from work yesterday and we were able to spend some time hanging out, sitting outside while the boys played, watched an episode of Ink Master that we had recorded and took turns napping.  Having him around helps to keep me from sitting and wasting time.

I used the last 30 or so minutes of my allotted computer time last night when we were trying to get the boys to sleep.  Bedtime for the 3 year old has turned into quite the experience with coming out of the room multiple times, etc.  I did some browsing during that time, and when my time was up - the computer was off for the night.  Bob and I sat at the kitchen table and played what he calls 500 and I call Rummy.  We had so much fun, music playing, halloween candy to snack on, and each other's company in a way that we haven't shared for quite some time.  And you know whats awesome?  I'm looking forward to doing A LOT MORE OF THAT!

Day 2's reading in 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life includes this excerpt:
"If you want your new habits to take permanent residence in your life, then the change will have to be gradual.  Making small changes over time cements new habits in a way that quick, drastic changes cannot."

I know all too well how quick, drastic changes fail.  I am actually excited to continue on this journey, even though it IS going to be harder some days than others!  I am excited to focus on this one positive change that has already begun (began?) to show how it can effect other parts of my life!

Oh--and thanks to walking away from the computer this morning after putting Elijah down for his morning nap, I have a nice sparkly clean bathroom!

-{Today I am thankful for a renewed interest and faith in my religious life.  I had an experience last week that spoke volumes to me, and I will be planning some sort of project centered around the verse from Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.  I don't ever want to forget that powerful reminder that Ashlyn brought home as her memory verse from The Good News Club!}-

21 Days to a Disciplined Life

Hello November!

Today, November 1st, I start my 21 day journey to a more disciplined life... following along with an ebook written by Crystal Paine @ MoneySavingMom.

I struggled with what my big project should be.  There are so many areas of my life that would benefit from some focus and discipline, and my prior attempts have always included thinking I could wake up one day and decide to change everything that I want to change.  Those attempts have all failed.  No matter how I have tried to keep myself accountable, it becomes overwhelming and easier to walk away.  It seems funny to sit at the computer this morning and type this out, because the area I have decided I need to work on first is limiting my time online.  I allow hours and hours each day to be sucked away by facebook, online window shopping, couponing and researching ideas/purchases to death.  My hope and plan for this time is to bring my focus back to my home and my family and quit wasting hours on the computer. 

When I talked with my wonderfully supportive honey about this, and how I thought that a 3 hour time cap would be a good place to start he showed me how I could set the timer on my phone for 3 hours each morning when I get on the computer and then toggle back and forth between pausing and resuming as necessary.  Easy as that I've got a plan, I've got my restrictions and I've got a way to track my time.  I think I will also set up a loose schedule for myself too... I know that I spend a good chunk of time each morning on the computer after getting breakfast for the boys, and putting Elijah down for his morning nap.  I look forward each day to this time in the mornings when I can drink my coffee, browse facebook, post items on Red Bluff Needs, etc.  We have also turned off my facebook notifications on my phone.  I can see how many notifications are there on the little icon, but I won't receive the actual notifications.  These darn smart phones are going to make this difficult!  The thing is, I would only be cheating myself and my family if instead of sitting in front of the computer I started to use my phone for more of these applications and purposes. 

I do think I should point out that at any given time I usually have 3 or 4 games of Words With Friends that I am playing on my phone.  Its a nice escape to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes and play a word.  (I don't think that should count against my "online time"  we can't get too picky here!)

I am anxious to see how these first few days go, I want to see how this one small change that might seem ridiculous to some people can have a big ripple effect into other parts of our lives.  I always say I want to be this productive, on top of things kind of person but I just lack the motivation.  I don't know that this change will PROVIDE me with motivation in those areas, but it will sure free up some time and hopefully with that time I will be able to keep the house a little neater, do some more projects with the kiddos, be more active with my health and fitness and reconnect with Bob, who deserves more of my focused attention than he has been getting. 

PS--Fall FINALLY appears to be here to stay!

-{ Today I am thankful for my supportive boyfriend.  I am blessed beyond words to have him in my life!}-

Reinventing Myself

Here I am again, wanting to make some positive changes in my life, knowing the steps I need to take.... and still hesitating to actually follow through.  I've said before that I am my own worst enemy and that continues to be the truth. 
I can't stand myself the days I feel like I have gotten NOTHING accomplished.  I am blessed to be able to stay home and spend my days however I choose... so why is it that so often I'm not making choices that I am actually happy with?  I know that my home, my kids and I would benefit from pulling myself away from the computer each day.  But do I do it?  Not really.  I know I would have more satisfaction and inner calm if I had a routine and my house was *mostly* presentable, but do I take those steps to achieve it?  Nope, not often enough. 
For me, the hardest part about all of this is not that I don't know what needs to change, its a matter of not knowing how to make myself follow through.  Frustrating. 

I recently purchased the ebook by Crystal @ MoneySavingMom.com titled, "21 Days to a More Disciplined Life" ( for only 99 cents I might add!)  I am kicking around ideas for my big project... what to spend 21 days on creating new, improved habits.  Some of my ideas are:

- Limiting internet/facebook time.
- Increasing physical activity/healthy choices for weightloss.
- Implementing a cleaning routine.
- Challenging myself to keeping my kitchen counters cleared.
- Something to help our finances (using cash, shopping black outs, etc)

My problem picking something to work on and focus on for the next 3 weeks is that I think each of these areas are important, and each area is something I want to improve on.  The idea behind this series though, is taking one small change at a time and managing that... not setting yourself up by failure by trying to do a complete 180 and changing EVERYTHING at once. 

How do I pick when each change is important?  Or how do I prioritize these to know which behavior/change to tackle first?  I wish all of these things just came naturally to me and weren't things that I needed to consciously work towards changing.  My happiness depends on this though, and in turn... the functionality and happiness of my family too.  The saying about "if Mama ain't happy, no one is happy" sure seems to be true for us and I want to lead my family in the right direction!

Biggest Loser - Week 1 Results

I sat down to get all ready to blog about my first week of Biggest Loser and remembered that I needed to call the gym and reserve the racquetball court for tonight! (done.)

Let me start by saying, seeing positive results is so rewarding and motivating! My starting weight according to the scale at Wholesome Goods last week was 243.4lbs, and after a week of increased excersizing and making better eating choices I weighed in this morning at 238.4lbs! I lost 5lbs this week! According to the website I found that calculates weight loss percentages thats equal to 2.05%! I am totally excited about that, and still at the same time have mixed feelings... from my previous experiences watching the show Biggest Loser, I know that contestants the first week always have massive weight loss... and then it slows down from there. I don't want to slow down, that would be so awesome if I can just do the slow & steady wins the race thing and keep up this downward progression. Of course it would have been AMAZING to see a double digit number... something to blow everyone out of the water, but I LOST 5 LBS and that is what I need to remember!

So--recap:

I made it to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday (lost a game of racquetball 15-11, I'll get him tonight!) and Friday. Saturday Ashlyn & I played some Just Dance 3 on our PS3 and got the heart rate up, Sunday I went for a walk with Elijah in the jogging stroller, and last night I did nearly an hour of cardio at the gym.
We also had a few downfalls... but in the big picture they weren't really downfalls. Saturday we had burgers from Bud's Jolly Cone for lunch. I had a regular cheeseburger and only stole a fry or two from the kids, didn't order my own. I've also had a few mixed drinks, a starbucks and some oreos. I think its good that I know myself... I'm not so good at dieting and going without, but it looks like the choices I am making are making a difference and as long as I keep seeing positive results it will be easier to stay on track and be a real competitor throughout this competition.
(Can I just say I am SO hoping that they will post everyone's percentages from week 1?! I know I'll be motivated by seeing where I stand comparatively.)

My goal for this week will be to get my mile on the treadmill under 14:30... that should totally be a goal I can reach! Also, with Bob's son Andrew coming to visit us Thurs-Mon, I'm hoping to keep along the path of not over eating junk that my body doesn't need.

I ordered a new bra for working out, it would be nice if it would show up before Saturday when its scheduled to arrive, because right now I only have one sports bra and I have to double up with a regular bra too in order to keep the girls somewhat contained. Maybe a 5lb weight loss is worthy of a new workout outfit (or a pedicure!)

.... Stay Tuned!

Biggest Loser

For most of my life I have been blessed with being tall and slender (if slender is a word that you can use for a big girl)... I've never been small, or petite by any means. I'm 5'11" and have always stood in the back row for school pictures :) I've never struggled with dieting or been overly concerned with body image. Fast forward to nearly 30 years old and 3 babies later and I'm not so happy with this body of mine anymore, my once extremely active metabolism must be taking a bit of a hiatus!

I'm still not concerned with trying to be skinny, or a specific number on the scale, but I want to FEEL GOOD. (and I would really like my cute jeans to fit comfortably!) I fell to peer pressure on Tuesday and signed up with some other local peeps for a Biggest Loser competition. It was a $40 buy in, and will pay out prizes for 1st, 2nd & 3rd place. We're pinching pennies the best we can these days, and I got a phone call within the last week that the child support I am so thankful to receive will be disappearing for the near future while Ashlyn's dad is out of work with a shoulder injury.. thankfully I've got a very supportive family though and my parents offered to "sponsor" me in this competition! They know first hand that I'm pretty competitive and motivated by money, lol. I'm hoping to be able to pay them back with my winnings!

Anyway, now for the specifics! I weighed in on Tuesday at 243.4 (a little heavier than on my scale at home, so I'm going to try and not weigh myself at all in between.) This competition lasts for 6 weeks with weekly weigh-ins. Now I'm thankful that we never followed through with canceling our gym membership even though we had considered it for the time being while we're trying to watch our budget very closely.

I'm going to keep reminding myself that 6 weeks is a short period of time in the grand scheme of things, and I can do anything I put my mind to when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew going in that the biggest struggle I will have will be each night after the kids are in bed and we relax and watch our shows, thats my biggest downfall--munchie time for sure! I'm not trying to follow any diet during this competition and instead focus on eating healthy foods, portion sizes and general awareness. I don't do well with cutting things out entirely and I don't want to set myself up to fail. I'm trying to drink more water and less soda/juice/alcohol. Last night on my way home from the gym I had to stop at the store for coffee creamer, and I picked up strawberries, bananas and yogurt. (so what if I dipped them in the new chocolate cream cheese, right?)

My overall goals for this 6 week period are:
15lb + total weight loss
10 minute mile on the treadmill (I was at 15:20 last night)
30+ gym visits or approx 5x/week
FITTING INTO MY XLONG MAURICE JEANS (that still have the tags on them)

.... and being the Biggest Loser would be pretty darn cool too :)

3 days in and I'm feeling like I've done pretty well... 40 mins of cardio day 1 and day 2 and a racquetball court for Bob and I reserved at the gym tonight! The real challenge will be sticking to it, and making good habits that will carry over after the competition has ended.

I found my BLISS

... inspired by Amy @ amysfinerthings.com blog post I Found My Bliss --

My bliss is wearing a long blue skirt and a shirt that actually matches! My bliss is playing with a motorcycle and his "Bumblebee" car from Transformers. My bliss is scooting himself across the floor in order to get nose to nose with his buddy Dallas. My bliss is soaking in a scalding hot bath to relax after work today and then coming home to deal with my stress regarding the car. My bliss is waiting at the airport to fly home to more of my bliss that is probably already on his way to pick her up. My bliss is in the fact that saying goodbye to Mom/Grandma Jo wasn't as hard as usual today because we know she will be back to visit in less than 6 short weeks! My bliss is in having family and friends to accept and love me and my family despite some of the wacky decisions I have made over the years. My bliss is in the roof over our heads, the food in our pantry, and the numbers printed in black ink (not red) in our bank accounts.

My bliss is in the memories we make and the laughter and smiles we share.

My bliss in the life I am blessed to live and I love when something prompts me to remember to be thankful for every thing I have.